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Thursday, April 20, 2017

Havilah writes about working on our "stuff"

Last week we were talking about the attributes of God.
I took notes, and this improved the level of learning by almost 50% (if I may make a careful guess).
God is holy and omnipresent and loving. He chose to be and humble, and he is inherently all-powerful.
When we talk about the love of God, my heart softens. I sometimes act jaded and stubborn, but when I realize that God loves even me, and that in his eyes I am no less special than, say, C. S. Lewis, then I feel His love overflowing and reaching other people. People that I wanted to feel love for, but couldn't.
The people at the base have been talking about healing a lot lately. We all have things that make us react unreasonably. The slightest shadows of evil memories will remind us of past pain, and bring out ugliness that we thought we had well hidden, or even done away with.
I asked God to heal me so that when I read his word, I can see what a hero he is, instead of applying my own unhealthy reactions to the story.
And then I felt myself rise up in accusation against my ownse self--Why have I been lax in staying fit? Why have I been careless? Why have I embarrassed myself? Why did God make me this way?
All these things had been lurking, nagging, waiting for someone to dare them to come out and speak. I dared them.
Something similar seems to be happening to all of us. When you address your past pain instead of ignoring it, the sadness in your heart comes to the surface. It's surfacing.

-Havilah
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