I Am Alex

(The following is a true story from a couple weeks ago. I have changed the name. Please remember this child in your prayers.)

I am Alex. I am 5 years old. I am just like you. I long to be somebody's. I live in a small round crib in the middle of a room full of children. No on plays with me. No one talks to or touches me except that unfriendly lady who comes to change my diapers and feed me.

I spend most of my time looking at the bars and the ceiling. There is a

horrid TV screen very close to my crib. It is loud, and on it I see blood and screaming. I don't like it but, I stare at it. It makes me feel so very dark and scared inside.

There are some strange people here today. I like them. I want them to come over, but the lady who changes me stops them. She keeps stopping them. Then, they come. They visit me for a long time...me.

The next day they come back and visit me again. One of them jumps me up and says, "boing". I love that. She does it again and again and each time, I love it. I laugh as loud as I can. I hug them and love them with all my strength. When they leave, I wish that I could go with them.

This is the end of the last day they will visit me.

I see long shadows across the floor. They are gathering up their things. I know it's time for them to leave. When they are gone I will close my eyes and hear their kind voices and dream of them coming back and never leaving me again.

Loving Yuri

(The following is a true story from only a week ago. I have changed his name. Please remember Yuri in your prayers.)

Yuri was 5 years old but only the size of a one year old. One day as he was dozing on and off in his crib. He heard a new sound,.. a voice that he'd never heard before. He sat up and looked through the bars. He liked this lady. She was different than the others that came by twice a day to feed and clean him. The stranger was walking closer to his crib. For a moment he was sure that she was actually going to touch him. He leaned forward, gazing into her twinkling eyes. Just then his hope was snatched away. One of the care givers stepped forward motioning that the visitor was not to touch him and pointing to him said, "yuck..yuck".

Later during Yuri's feeding the same care giver was angry and slammed him into a chair violently. When the care giver left the room the visitor snuck over to Yuri to try to calm him down. "Yuri", she said, as she looked into his eyes, "You are beautiful". Somehow he understood her even though they spoke two different languages. She knew that he understood and that he was amazed that someone would say that about him.

Another day the same visitor came in. This day she was allowed to pick him up. She talked to him of God and love. He loved her voice and her smile and grabbing her wonderful, long, curly hair. "God", she prayed , "let someone take him home, out of this cold place, love him and straighten his ankles so that he can walk and play". He didn't know what she was saying, or when she would leave him. He just rested in love and pulled her hair.

Happy 44th Birthday to my husband of 19 years

I can't give you the birthday present that I wish I could give you. I'd say:

Come away with me, Leon.

We'll fly to England and have a huge hot breakfast.

We'll drink beer in Belgium, ride horses over the green hills of Ireland and see a band in every place.

But, I can give you my love, my obedience and my respect.

---your best friend, jeni

Exciting, then Painful, then Real, then a Hopeful Beginning

(This is my story from the retreat)

#1 History:

14 years ago I first thought about orphans and adoption. I felt a moral imperative to do something. For 10 years I prayed. Then one day, when I was 8 months pregnant with our sixth child (not counting two babes in heaven) Leon said, "It's time, let's do it". We had our home study completed when our baby (Nehemiah) was 2 weeks old. We were asked to adopt 2 boys that were about 6 and 8 years old and we accepted.

Meanwhile the 2 children were living in Africa. Their parents had died. They had no where to go, they were not safe and one of the children had an infection that was growing in his feet. There was not enough to eat. Some days they did not eat at all.

Almost 3 years after we began the adoption, they were allowed to leave Liberia. They were supposed to be escorted but, instead our agency told us that Leon would have to go and get them.

We said, Leon's not the kind of guy who would get on a plane, fly to Africa, take 2 big black boys (that he had never met before), into his arms, say, "I'm your papa" and bring them back home with him.

God is that kind of God however, so Leon went. I picked them all up at the airport. That was the first time that I saw Simeon and Patrick (Zion). They looked so mad. I hugged Patrick and said, "hello Patrick, I'm your mama. I'm glad you're here". Next I hugged Simeon.

So, we were all together. One big family (11 of us). At first there was a fake family bond and love. It was pretty fun though difficult every waking hour.

#2 Painful time after the adoption:

Then we went through an ugly time. Most of the ugliness was in me.

I thought I had it all together before the adoption. After that my long eloquent prayers changed to ....God..... what.... I've got nothing here,....I know nothing and I am full of evil all the time... I hate what I say and think and then continue doing it.

#3 What's real

During that especially ugly time God started opening my eyes wider to how huge his goodness is and my badness. I guess the biggest difference that I am starting to learn now is this; I shouldn't be trying harder to be good, but rather surrendering to Him. He is the perfect momma. I won't try to be. He is perfectly patient, not me.

#4 Hopeful Beginning

Now, 9 months later, we are slowly, slowly, incrementally, beginning to develop real family love and acceptance. I am noticing myself smiling inside more and more towards my adoptive sons. I am barely starting to feel that sparkle in my eye when I look at them.

All Are Invited

The story from the Ladies retreat was flagged by my editor as a bit too personal so it's been in revision. I hope to post the remainder soon.

Leon did get the fire lit. Because everyone was ill, we couldn't get enough trees on it. In the morning most of it was gone except those sticks that are shaped like goats. So, in a few days, we'll have another one. I hope this time we will be able to put potatoes in the ashes the next day. They are so very yummy cooked that way.

Don't forget to come to the PELT community meeting the weekend after next. We're making glazed doughnuts. If you don't remember, the PELT meetings are when we all get together and play music, tell stories, poems etc. Many folks just come to enjoy watching and we need them too. You are all invited along with all your friends and acquaintances.

--jeni

Not the big story

We have been sick all week now. First one, then two, then three, then number one was a little better.... then worse again. Now all nine children are sick and I am feeling it coming. It's a snuggly sickness. The children want me to sit with them, give them water, lightly caress their back, and read them stories. This is the best kind of sickness.

It's hard. I know that God will only allow or give me the amount of sickness that will help me to do His will perfectly, if I will do it.

Meanwhile our bonfire is sitting there needing to be burned and it's been raining and snowing everyday so that we can't light it. Now that it's dry, there is no one well enough to light it. Hmmm. Well, Leon was the first one sick so he's feeling fine now. Tomorrow is Saturday. He can get it lit.

I have to run and snuggle someone. We are mostly all staying in the living room listening to , The Sugar Creek Gang. Have a great weekend. love, jeni

big letter coming up

The girls and I went to the Ladies retreat. Leon and the 6 boys dropped us off in Olympia and then they went on to visit Leon's parents, brother and the Baxter's until it was time to pick us up. We had an inspiring and challenging time with Charissa and Marla as well as all the other folks that were there.

Would you like to hear the story that I shared with all the ladies while I held the shaking mic? (Maybe it was me that was shaking.) You may be offended.

P.S. Don't forget to remember in your yearning prayers, the children in those cribs that the Kelley family are walking past today.

Some Things We Love About Living Here

Sim is sitting in the fort on one of the buckets that Ephraim, Asaph and Zion use to make the snow fort bricks. Keeping him company is our dog Maple who we got from our good friends, the Stewart's. Maple is a Golden Retriever. To Sim's left, you can see another room.

The fort behind this one was made by Havilah. It is taller and is made out of snow balls, not bricks.

They all say that the forts can be ran into at full force and they do not get damaged. The children plan on building them up with more tiers of snow blocks and balls later today.

In the foreground is the clay house made of mud bricks. All summer Ephraim led the children in this project. Zion's uncle in Liberia used to hire him to build mud structures. The inner dimensions are about 3ft by 4ft by 4ft tall. In our climate and without mixing any hay or grass into the mud; the structure begins to break down.

In the background moving from left to right you can see the south side of our home and the chicken tractor (parked and somewhat insulated for the winter). Ephraim has built two chicken tractors. The first one was smaller and not as sturdy. It got picked up and blown across the drive way and landed upside down. The shocked chickens didn't figure out right away that their structure was gone. They perched at night in the same spot for a few days until one by one they moved over to the wrecked coop. That week before Ephraim rebuilt it, we lost at least 4 chickens to a coyote. I saw the bad, wild, canine running in a field. He looked fat and happy.

Next in the photo is the garden surrounded by a 8 ft fence (thank you Leon, Mr. Croteau and Ephraim), the goat barn that Ephraim built with a window, a yard and a lean to in the back for hay. Behind that he built on a snug little stall for the male goat after the female has her kid this spring.

Snow Fort, Ladies Retreat and Rhyming

What was probably the last cold snap of the winter just ended. It warmed up to 32 during the day and has been snowing all day for several days. The children have been working on a giant snow fort. The snow balls that they are using are huge. They must be as tall as Zuriel. They made a couple large snow chairs that they claim are quite comfortable. Leon had to go out with his flashlight and look over the structure after he came home last night. The stars will be the roof. It is as large inside as our living room.

Havilah, Zuriel, Elsie and I are getting ready to go to an Above Rubies retreat. It is the first time that all the girls have gone somewhere alone together. We hope to be picking Christy up on the way to the retreat. Marla Dimmick and Charissa Swanson will also be joining us there where we are staying in someone's house nearby.

Last week we realized that our two new children had never learned how to rhyme. We've been going around and around the table practicing ever since. Nehemiah is 3 and he didn't know yet either. He learned the first day, Zion who is 11 learned by the end of the second day but, it's still hard for him and Simeon who is 9 hasn't quite figured it out yet.

It's interesting how hard it is to learn a new concept if you did not grow up around common knowledge of it. Nehemiah can learn a new concept quicker than our children from Liberia even though they are 9 and 11. They grew up trying to survive and being happy if they could get one meal a day. Many days they did not eat at all.