orphanage

Kristi picked us up and drove us to the orphanage to hold babies. It was Leon, Havilah and me. It looked like a big old house with a tall iron fence and gate around it. The bottom floor had an office and several large rooms. The one year old babies were down there. The rooms were painted in cheery yellows and pinks. We went upstairs where we saw one room filled with identical beds and another narrow room lined with two rows of cribs all made out of white painted steel. There were little babies in one of the upstairs rooms. Since there were 4 adults in that room already we were taken downstairs and outside where the 2-3 year olds were playing. They were very dirty and had runny noses and smelled like they needed baths.
When I realized they were asking me to play with the toddlers, I didn't want to do it. I'm content reading to children all day. Let me bathe and dress them, feed them, rock them when they are sad or tired or clean them up when they are sick. I want to look them in the eye and listen to their important stories or push them in strollers forever. But they wanted me to entertain them. It was going to be a very long 2 hours. I almost despaired. I said under my breathe to Havilah,"Oh, can I go home now?". She said, "you didn't come here to do what you wanted." I said, "oh, yes I did!"
Despite my immature response, I was able to make some real connections with these children. The first thing that I did was go to a little girl that was crying. I sat on the ground next to her to empathize, this was natural for me. I could feel her pain. I put my hand right in wet bird poop. This actually helped me get the right perspective. That little girl ended up being one of my favorites. She was so much like Elsie, who I would scoop up and rock in my arms only this girl wouldn't let me. At first she would hit me and yell at me whenever I tried. The other children started poking at me and pulling my clothes. They kept wanting to pull up my shirt to see my big, hard belly. 
Before we left we were able to touch them and they happily accepted our love and play. It wasn't fun for me, but I was very glad to have had the chance to be with them. When I washed my hands afterward, the soapy water coming off of them was brown. I hope to go back next Wednesday by bus.