Exciting, then Painful, then Real, then a Hopeful Beginning

(This is my story from the retreat)

#1 History:

14 years ago I first thought about orphans and adoption. I felt a moral imperative to do something. For 10 years I prayed. Then one day, when I was 8 months pregnant with our sixth child (not counting two babes in heaven) Leon said, "It's time, let's do it". We had our home study completed when our baby (Nehemiah) was 2 weeks old. We were asked to adopt 2 boys that were about 6 and 8 years old and we accepted.

Meanwhile the 2 children were living in Africa. Their parents had died. They had no where to go, they were not safe and one of the children had an infection that was growing in his feet. There was not enough to eat. Some days they did not eat at all.

Almost 3 years after we began the adoption, they were allowed to leave Liberia. They were supposed to be escorted but, instead our agency told us that Leon would have to go and get them.

We said, Leon's not the kind of guy who would get on a plane, fly to Africa, take 2 big black boys (that he had never met before), into his arms, say, "I'm your papa" and bring them back home with him.

God is that kind of God however, so Leon went. I picked them all up at the airport. That was the first time that I saw Simeon and Patrick (Zion). They looked so mad. I hugged Patrick and said, "hello Patrick, I'm your mama. I'm glad you're here". Next I hugged Simeon.

So, we were all together. One big family (11 of us). At first there was a fake family bond and love. It was pretty fun though difficult every waking hour.

#2 Painful time after the adoption:

Then we went through an ugly time. Most of the ugliness was in me.

I thought I had it all together before the adoption. After that my long eloquent prayers changed to ....God..... what.... I've got nothing here,....I know nothing and I am full of evil all the time... I hate what I say and think and then continue doing it.

#3 What's real

During that especially ugly time God started opening my eyes wider to how huge his goodness is and my badness. I guess the biggest difference that I am starting to learn now is this; I shouldn't be trying harder to be good, but rather surrendering to Him. He is the perfect momma. I won't try to be. He is perfectly patient, not me.

#4 Hopeful Beginning

Now, 9 months later, we are slowly, slowly, incrementally, beginning to develop real family love and acceptance. I am noticing myself smiling inside more and more towards my adoptive sons. I am barely starting to feel that sparkle in my eye when I look at them.