In answer to a recent inquiry in a comment, Here's what we do with offenses that can't be worked out during the day: Sometimes it's because the emotions are too high or I need Leon to help me figure it out.
We come together as a family every night for prayer, bible and a family adventure book. At this time anyone can say they have a problem with someone else in the family. Then they state the persons name and say, "I feel (fill in blank with the emotion) when you (fill in this blank with whatever is hurting you).
For example, I might say, "Asaph, I feel rejected when you walk away when I am talking to you". Then he says it back to me in his own words to see if he understands me. I can clarify or say, "yep, that's right".
Then he might say, "wow, I can see how that WOULD make you feel rejected, I wouldn't like that if you did it to me". Then he will ask what he could do to make it up to me or what I would like him to do different next time.
If the offender is not willing to repent, then the offended is counseled to forgive them anyway so that bitterness doesn't take root in their heart. It is acknowledged that reconciliation cannot be achieved and the offender cannot be trusted again until he is willing to repent.
We no longer require them to say that they are sorry. We have found that it's much more effective to train them to say, "how did that effect you?".
I hope that helps, it certainly has helped us.
2 comments:
Your family is fortunate to be learning effective communication and conflict resolution skills so early in their lives.
ok great info and great examples for us to do the same! Wonderful communication tips esp for big fams and always good to take care of any offenses in every relationship, thank you Jen!
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